3.22.26

Studio Vibes

Watching: Majora’s Mask playthroughs

Reading: The Familiar by Leigh Bardugo

Listening: Discovery by Daft Punk

My anxiety was off the charts these past two weeks, which led to decision fatigue. I truly gave all of my energy to other things and people, so by the time I got to myself, I was exhausted. Plus, with my anxiety being up, I was constantly doubting/second-guessing myself, which leads to more exhaustion. I’ve had to rework my Instagram timer, so now it’s only 5 minutes one day a week (and the rest of the week is 0 minutes). While I have gotten better, I still do find myself comparing my journey and life to those on social media. I also ruminate on things out of my control, even when people tell me that it’s fine. 

I also know I hold myself to a ridiculously high standard, which, quite frankly, no one can achieve (not even myself). Then, I punish myself for not meeting this standard. Sometimes the problem isn’t even something I did - sometimes a problem just comes up, and you have to work with it (side-eyes my work project). 

Just mentally, these past couple of weeks haven’t been great. But that means a fruitful therapy session next week! Also, I’m very proud of myself for not falling back into old habits of disordered eating and berating my appearance. I may be stressed and anxious, but I have somewhat healthier coping mechanisms, so I’ll take this win!

In Progress

I didn’t just take a hiatus from the series; I took a hiatus in general. As I mentioned in my intro, I just felt so overwhelmed and anxious that all I could really do was play video games and couch rot. I think the idea of a series feels overwhelming at times, so I need to play to get back into it. I saw a pin on Pinterest, where someone made colored blobs with a marker and then drew various beetles over them. I remember doing a similar exercise during Aya Kakeda’s illustration workshop at HCCC, so I did that as a low-effort drawing. No expectations from myself or anyone; just colorful blobs that turned into flowers. Somehow, this low-stakes exercise got me excited about one of the paintings I was stuck on. So, I did a very quick study, and I think I know what to do next. The lesson of these past two weeks: stop, take a breather, try something different, and then everything will fall into place (yes, this is the same lesson I learned at work).

The works that got me out of my funk on Saturday.

Also, I’m signing up for a bunch of free events at some of the art museums in DC. The National Portrait Gallery has Analog Nights, where you can bring your screen-free hobby and just work on it in the museum. They also have a spotlight activity - I think April’s is dealing with gardening (another one of my hobbies). I also signed up for a movie screening at the National Gallery of Art. The film is malni – towards the ocean, towards the shore by Sky Hopinka. It explores the idea of the afterlife, rebirth, and the place in-between and is spoken in Chinuk Wawa, an indigenous language. There is an accompanying exhibition with the film. I think this will be a great opportunity to discover a new artist, but also get inspiration for my own body of work.

I have a couple of other series ideas percolating, but I don’t think they’re ready quite yet. One is exploring my own feelings dealing with an aging parent, specifically my father. However, I want to make sure this work highlights my own feelings without exploiting his experience. Art is such a powerful medium and can truly be another language, but I want to make sure when I make work about others’ experiences, I do it with the utmost respect and care. I’ll need to start writing and sketching ideas, but I know this work probably won’t come about for a while. 

Creative Endeavors

I told myself I was taking a break from sewing to focus on painting, but my little goblin brain is demanding more sewing projects. With the weather getting warmer, I’ve been wanting to make a triangle halter top for so long. I have a ton of excess fabric, so I think I can easily make this happen. I also love this skirt pattern from Kiana Bonollo - I literally want to make version B, denim and white stitching.

My brother asked me during Blerdcon what my white whale of a cosplay would be, and it would be Ahri from K/DA’s music video, Pop/Stars. Specifically, where her tails appear in the music video. I would want the ability to have mechanical tails that can unfurl with a snap of my fingers. So, I may or may not try to do it for Blerdcon next year (we’ll see, but that means I need to start now). Also, I may not play League of Legends’ main game, but I have dabbled in TFT (Heimerdinger is my boy, I will not take any slander, and Chogath is obnoxious).

Ahri in the music video Pop/Stars, with her nine tails.

With spring here, that means spring produce is upon us. I wanted to cook more this year, and I have been awful about working on that goal. However, I think for April, I will cook and bake more. Who knows, maybe I’ll start a little baking pen pal exchange (which also coincides with another goal, write more letters).

Other Shenanigans

I started up Legend of Zelda: Echoes of Wisdom a couple of weeks ago, and it is currently my go-to game. It’s extremely low-stakes and chill, but there’s enough action to where I’m engaged (but not anxious). I also love getting to play as Zelda, and the puzzles remind me of classic 2-D, 32-bit games. I’m assuming I’m getting through the game relatively fast (I’m notorious for not finishing games), but I don’t want to look up spoilers.

I’ve also been taking time to update my apartment. I lost my tea drawer (yes, you read that right) when I transferred apartments, so I need a way to store all of my tea. I’ve also been updating my bedroom: it’s giving garden vibes. I remember when I was in grad school, I was all about the minimalist aesthetic, but now I want nothing but color and patterns. I really do love my new apartment, despite losing space. Also, my hot take is that building IKEA furniture is not that hard. Building furniture in general isn’t that hard.

(Left) Top photo: Legend of Zelda: Echoes of Wisdom
(Right) Bottom photo: My dresser that I built (took about three hours).

(Left) Top photo: Tea collection before (literally took over my entire counter)
(Right) Bottom photo: Tea collection after

These next two weeks, I want to remind myself it’s okay to change plans and redirect. I also want to remind myself that I’m exactly where I need to be and I’m doing more than enough. An update in two weeks!